When I taught at BYU in the classroom, I gave the students a pop quiz on the last day of class.
Almost immediately I would start to get questions.
"Is it okay if I just estimate? I don't know exactly how tall I am."
"What is the average I.Q.? I'll just put that because I have no idea what mine is."
"Do you mean just me, or how much money I think my husband will make in a lifetime as well?"
"Do I really have to report how many people love me, or can I just say 'many'?"
My answers are frustratingly vague.
"Just do your best."
"Whatever you think it should be."
Within 5 to 10 minutes they realize this isn't actually a quiz. Then they start to have fun writing down their answers.
After they've had time to complete the quiz, I have them fold the paper in half lengthwise so that only the answers (all numbers) are showing.
"Now I'm not going to do this, but imagine if I were to collect all these papers, mix them up, and then pass them back. Your job would be to return the paper you receive to its rightful owner by only looking at the numbers. Could you do it?"
The students always shake their heads.
And then I ask them an important question. "Why?"
Why are we not able to identify each other purely by numbers? Here are typical responses:
"Because I don't know what other people's GPAs are."
"These numbers don't mean anything if I don't know what the units are."
"When I look at other people, I don't think of them in these terms."
And that's when I tell them about scales and rulers.
Are you short? Are you tall? It depends on what the average height is.
Are you dumb? Are you smart? It depends on what colleges are asking for in their college applications.
During the high school and college years, we tend to get used to being compared to each other using numerical values. We stress about our GPA, ACT, scores at the last game, and scores at our last competition. What did we rank? What was the average? Did we win? Did we lose? Were we good enough?
And that's when I remind them of an important fact that is so easy to forget. Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother and Their Son don't see us as a number. They don't rank us. They don't rate us. They don't compare us to each other. They just love us.
Then I write a number on the whiteboard. Here's the number.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What year were you born?
What number are you in your family?
What was your high school GPA?
What is your current GPA?
How tall are you in inches?
Estimate your I.Q.
What year did you graduate from high school?
What year will you graduate from college?
How old are you in months?
How many countries have you visited?
How much money do you expect to earn in your lifetime?
How many part-time jobs have you had?
How many people tell you they love you?
How fast can you run a mile?
How many minutes do you exercise a week?
How much are you worth?
Almost immediately I would start to get questions.
"Is it okay if I just estimate? I don't know exactly how tall I am."
"What is the average I.Q.? I'll just put that because I have no idea what mine is."
"Do you mean just me, or how much money I think my husband will make in a lifetime as well?"
"Do I really have to report how many people love me, or can I just say 'many'?"
My answers are frustratingly vague.
"Just do your best."
"Whatever you think it should be."
Within 5 to 10 minutes they realize this isn't actually a quiz. Then they start to have fun writing down their answers.
After they've had time to complete the quiz, I have them fold the paper in half lengthwise so that only the answers (all numbers) are showing.
"Now I'm not going to do this, but imagine if I were to collect all these papers, mix them up, and then pass them back. Your job would be to return the paper you receive to its rightful owner by only looking at the numbers. Could you do it?"
The students always shake their heads.
And then I ask them an important question. "Why?"
Why are we not able to identify each other purely by numbers? Here are typical responses:
"Because I don't know what other people's GPAs are."
"These numbers don't mean anything if I don't know what the units are."
"When I look at other people, I don't think of them in these terms."
And that's when I tell them about scales and rulers.
Numbers only have value when you compare it to another number.
Are you short? Are you tall? It depends on what the average height is.
Are you dumb? Are you smart? It depends on what colleges are asking for in their college applications.
During the high school and college years, we tend to get used to being compared to each other using numerical values. We stress about our GPA, ACT, scores at the last game, and scores at our last competition. What did we rank? What was the average? Did we win? Did we lose? Were we good enough?And that's when I remind them of an important fact that is so easy to forget. Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother and Their Son don't see us as a number. They don't rank us. They don't rate us. They don't compare us to each other. They just love us.
Then I write a number on the whiteboard. Here's the number.
3.02
I ask them to guess what that number is. Most are able to figure out that it's a GPA but that's all. And then I tell them.
It is a GPA. My undergraduate GPA.
It is a GPA. My undergraduate GPA.
That's right, I graduated with barely a 3.0 from college. I tell them when I walked across the stage to get my diploma, I thought I was a dumb student. I didn't see myself as one of the smart ones. I wanted to go to graduate school, but graduate schools don't accept dumb students like me.
But my Heavenly Parents don't see me that way. They just see a person who is Their daughter, and They love me. It took some time, but slowly I was able to start to see a glimpse of that person too.
Seventeen years later, I was accepted into graduate school.
At first I felt like I was the stupidest person in the room because I was sure I had the lowest undergraduate GPA.
Over time, I realized that I had just as much to offer as anyone else in the program.
I began to see what I am really worth.
At first I felt like I was the stupidest person in the room because I was sure I had the lowest undergraduate GPA.
Over time, I realized that I had just as much to offer as anyone else in the program.
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| Dressing up with the women in the program |
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| Visiting an orphanage in Ghana |
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| Meeting one of the first LDS members in Ghana |
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| My favorite study group |
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| Social Venture Competition Team |
I began to see what I am really worth.
And it isn't a number.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you liked this post, you might also like:
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Abinadi Didn't Think He Failed—And We Shouldn't Think We Have Either |
 |
You Need to Fail: A Letter From a Missionary Mom |
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| Polly's Perfect Peaches: Understanding "Be Ye Therefore Perfect" |
Comments
This is the perfect way to end a pretty tough semester! I fall into the pit of misunderstanding my own worth, especially as a student. It is comforting to read your experience with very real feelings that I feel so often. As I approach my own undergrad graduation, feeling unsure what I have actually learned at my time at BYU I know for certain that I will remember your class not only for the skills, but for this experience that you shared.
Thank you so much for ending the semester strong Professor Pack.
Kindly,
Your Student – Taylor Child
Especially not being a business mind (to be honest I kind of despise the business stuff), I felt numerous times this semester that I was in way over my head with this class, but I appreciate the encouragement that you so readily and sincerely offered. I doubt I did anything to be memorable as a student, but I hope my thanks can at least be remembered as part of a much larger whole of lives you have been willing to touch. Thank you for putting up with me, and thank you for teaching how to gather light and not just numbers and facts.
I could not think of a better way to end the semester than with this short "assignment." With finals coming up and final projects due soon, taking a second to read this article you wrote about how numbers not defining you allowed me to take a deep breath and remember what is important in life. We are more than just our grades, our gpa, our weight, etc. We are complex and unique individuals that all have something so great to offer. God gave each and every one of us talents that make us who we are, not what grades we get on our transcript.
Thank you so much for this reminder. With all the stress of grades and tests that are coming up as the semester ends, I tend to forget that my grades don't define who I am. I am reassured knowing that before I am a student, I am a person, a sister, a daughter, and a friend whose worth is not defined by points, scores, or scales.
This post reminds me of the story of Punchinello. The story takes place in a city of puppets who are defined by the number of dots or stars they are given by each other. Our grades, heights, and records can be these dots or stars that we allow ourselves or others to label us with. Eventually, in the story, the puppet Punchinello learns how to remove these labels; he must remember his maker and forget the judgments and comparisons made by others and himself. And that is some great advice.
-Ben Hayden
Thank you for your inspiring message and the reminder to us all that our GPA, or any number for that matter, doesn't determine our worth. When this message comes from a BYU professor, the meaning and impact are so much more profound. Thank you for all your support and help this semester. You have made MCOMM an enjoyable and memorable experience.
I really appreciate the reminder to focus on the way the Savior values me. Focusing on how the savior sees me helps me to better see my own value and my own potential. Thank you so much for this Professor Pack!
Ellie Hughes
Thank you for this class and for this final lesson.
After failing an accounting exam last semester, I called my sister in tears. She immediately changed the subject and asked me if there was a pre-requisite GPA cutoff to get into Heaven. Ever since that conversation, that idea has stayed with me. After any numerical "failure", I check in with myself to see if I'm living my values to a degree that I'm content with. This has helped me claim more joy than seeing a 4.0 on my transcript.
Thank you for a great semester!
While I still struggle every once in a while with this mindset of thinking I lack intelligence, I've worked so hard to retrain myself. It has transformed me. Today, when people ask what I got on the ACT, I ask them why it matters. My intelligence cannot be fully measured by a standardized test. It grows and evolves with me each day. I love what you had to share Professor Pack because I can relate to it so closely. Thank you for being such an incredible teacher with so many life lessons to share. I will remember this class and the lessons you shared.
At times I struggle to maintain an eternal perspective of who I am. Numbers or letter grades don't define you, you define yourself through your character.
I will continue to endeavor in seeing myself through God's eyes and not as a number. Thank you.
Thank you so much for the invitation not to see ourselves and others as merely numbers. I find that I have a much easier time working with numbers than people, which means I have a great tendency to compare. I will now work harder to see myself differently from that.
This message is very important to remember that there is more to life than numbers, money, and GPA. What matters most is the relationships we have and the life we can build if we believe in ourselves the way God believes in us.
I think this message has helped me to realize that there is more to me and more to everyone than their grades, or any other quantitative personal statistic. I do rather well in school, which is something I am proud of. Yet, when I see others with their great athletic, charismatic, or artistic abilities, sometimes my good grades seem a little underwhelming. Sometimes I think my good grades are nothing more than me being good at memorizing things. I say all that because some of the most important things about us can't be quantified. And what is most beautiful is we are all different and we all can benefit from the strengths of other people. It doesn't have to be a competition. What a wonderful world it would be if we enjoyed the strengths of other people and strived to use our strengths to help other people!
Thanks again for the great semester. Best wishes!
Thanks for a wonderful semester. You've been an incredible teacher and I'm grateful for the lessons you've taught me.
Thank you for your message. Recently, I have found it so easy to compare myself to others. I find myself comparing grades, salary, occupation, GPA, friends, looks, vacations, talents, and almost everything else. I noticed that when I perform poorly at something, the feeling of inadequacy I get is much more potent than the feeling of competence when I do something well. The adversary tempts us to compare, compete, and measure our lives against others, eventually leading us all to feel bad. Your message is so much more hopeful and insightful. Some of the happiest people I have ever met in my life might not be considered "cool", "successful", or "popular" because they care more about what God thinks about them than what others do. I want to practice this in my own life.
Thanks for being such a great teacher. Your class was so beneficial to me!
Thank you for sharing this article with me! I tended to look at myself as a number (or rather, a compilation of numbers), and it was really damaging to my confidence and self-esteem when I would compare myself to others. But as long as I rely on what my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ think of me, I can feel their love for me and see myself as a Child of God with infinite potential. Potential immeasurable by numbers and rulers and worldly metrics or standards.
Also, thank you for being such an amazing professor! I've truly enjoyed taking your class.
Jackson Newman :)
Thank you for the great semester!
Thank you so much for the amazing semester!
Thank you so much for these thoughts. I think it is a great reminder. I feel like so many applications and screenings feel like the "quiz" you gave at the beginning. I feel like I'm just rattling off numbers. I am always so thankful when organizations and people look at others for who they are, not for the numbers that they feel describes them. I loved this class. I feel like this is one of the most applicable classes I have ever taken. Thank you!
Thank you so much for a wonderful semester! I loved having your class this semester!
In a world where we like to see numbers visualized, I love how you show that numbers cannot illustrate us! Something that I have to constantly remind myself is that life is just "you v. you." If I am able to improve myself rather than be better than those around me, I now have meaning and I can accomplish so much more in life. It is like when running a race, if you look to see how you are running compared to those surrounding you, you take your eyes off the prize and run slower than if you just kept your eyes straight ahead, your gaze never leaving the finish line. Thanks Professor Pack for showing how to not to measure ourselves and for a great semester!
Thanks again.
My perception is that most students here are strong, active members of the church. They are all RMs, all have incredibly high GPAs, and all have their lives put together. Although I am an RM myself, married in the temple to a wonderful wife, and have a decently high GPA, it feels as though everybody else is smarter than me, more spiritual than me, more social than me, and generally more competent than me. I know these perceptions are wrong, but sometimes it can still be difficult to see my individual worth and value.
I will try harder to appreciate myself and see what Heavenly Father sees in me. Thank you for a wonderful semester.
Fast forward to now, I'm now in the BYU strategy program and recently got into the product management emphasis. I did improve my GPA quite a bit while attending BYU-Idaho, but since getting into BYU and experiencing some health issues, I've had a difficult time maintaining my high GPA and again find it easy to compare myself to others. My GPA isn't as high, right now I can't take as many credits as most do, etc. It's again easy for me to compare myself in every way. But even though I haven't maintained a high GPA or take as many credits, I have other strengths that enabled me to be admitted to the competitive programs I'm in.
With all of that said, I don't even want it to seem like my acceptance to these programs or my strengths determine my worth. They don't. I know that my Heavenly Parents don't value me based on what school I go to, my GPA, or what programs I am or am not accepted to. I believe They expect effort from me to keep their commandments and progress in life, but even speed of progression in life doesn't equal worth. We all progress in different ways and at different paces. Although I don't really understand it, I appreciate my Heavenly Parents' love amidst the journey——no matter what my GPA, number of friends, or any other number is.
Thank you for this reminder, Professor Pack!
I love this article. I think one of the hardest things for me is realizing that I'm not a number. I know that God doesn't see me as a number, but at times I have felt like teachers, friends, students, and employers see me as a number. When completing that pop quiz I did not realize that it was not a quiz until you said it was not. I think we as humans make a lot of assumptions. Assumptions lead to comparisons. And comparisons are the death of our self-worth. I think almost every time I have felt down it was because of some sort of comparison I had made. The only judgement I should care about is God's. Thanks for the advice. I have loved this class and incorporating spirituality into our education.
Thank you for an inspiring semester. This article is just the exclamation point to finish it off! I've had a hard semester and often everyone seems to have it all together while I'm drowning. Thank you for the reminder that's often not the case.
As I think about the people I admire most, their GPA, appearance, test scores, etc have nothing to do with it. Thankfully, our worth is inherent as children of God.
Thank you for an incredible semester! You'll definitely be a professor I remember from my college experience.
Kindly,
Emilie
I really liked your example of having to shuffle the papers and guess which score belongs to each person because as much as we may think we know how someone else is doing, we really don't.
I remember in my first year at BYU a lot of my professors would tell us the quote "Don't let your grades get in the way of your education." I never really got it until this semester. Grades don't mean everything, will I be asked about my final grade in Philosophy 201 or any other class? Probably not.
I think we always assume that people are better than us at everything. But, I'm sure some of my professors had to retake a class in college. Even Michael Jordan didn't make his high school basketball team his sophomore year.
I'm getting married in about a week, so suffice it to say, this semester has been pretty stressful. For me, it's been very easy to get caught up on the numbers, dates, grades, money, and who knows what else as I try to keep juggling all of the different balls that I have in the air. But in the end, it's not the numbers that matter, the most important thing is our relationship with our Heavenly Father, and our relationships with the people with whom we've made covenants.
I love that you mentioned that a scale and a ruler only have the power of comparison that we give them; that our height or weight by itself doesn't mean anything. I feel like that's the way that God sees us; He doesn't see me as being taller than other people, or rounder than other people, because He doesn't compare me to other people. Rather, He loves me just as I am. The only person who my Heavenly Father compares me to is my past self, and as long as I'm moving upwards and forwards, I'm doing okay.
Thank you for your message!
Ten years ago, I would have never thought that I would be 31 and still at school. I sometimes compare myself with others (usually my weaknesses to their strengths), but then remember that I have felt stronger than ever in this journey. I'm a daughter of God, a mother, a wife, a marketing student -in a foreign country, and I don't have a very high GPA. My GPA is a reminder that I am human and that besides all the obstacles, I am working towards my goal.
Thank you for being an inspiration and for a wonderful semester!
It's difficult to strive for a certain level of accomplishment in your life and then fall short. We are so quick to define ourselves by what we have accomplished rather than who we have become.
Thanks for sharing!
I have appreciated the approach you have taken for this class, and for your life! I am inspired to love and live better because of this class and because of you.
Thank you!
Thanks for a great semester Professor Pack!
Thank you for sharing your story and teaching us this semester!
Thank you so much for this message, and this whole semester. Although I wasn't particularly involved this semester I really respect and admire you. You have been one of my favorite professors at BYU.
I really enjoyed the story you shared, but I especially loved the two pieces of artwork. I have never seen either and liked how our Heavenly Parents were portrayed, along with us as part of their family.
Once on my mission I was teaching some young kids about the Plan of Salvation and had them draw each step. They ran out of space along the paper linearly, and when we got to the end I told them that normally we would draw the three kingdoms on the right side of the paper but that we had ran out of space. One of them said "well that's no problem, we already drew heaven!" and drew an arrow right back to the left of the page where we started.
Taking in the two paintings you put in this article represented a similar paradigm shifts for me. Thank you for your testimony that both of our Heavenly Parent's love us and want the best for us.
Thank you for sharing. I plan on sharing this with my friends and family because it is a message all need to hear most likely once more
You make an interesting insight that numbers don't matter when we don't have something to compare to. I believe that scales, rulers, and grades can be some of the most harmful tools in the world if we solely focus on the measurement. If we turn our focus to the significance of that measurement-- the progress, growth, and learning-- we will find so much joy in our lives.
Thank you, Professor Pack! I find that I am happiest when I give myself the freedom to make mistakes and learn without being critical. I think this applies to others as well. I do think that numbers serve a purpose to help us achieve benchmarks, but they should not be the deciding factor or identifier by which we are judged. I think it is important to take a step back from time to time to look at the full picture and connect the dots. Heavenly Father truly loves each one of us and wants us to know of our divine nature. This divinity cannot be fathomed by worldly measures or numbers, but only by our desires and heart. Thank you for this reminder!
We live in a world full of comparisons based on intelligence, strength, attractiveness, and even spirituality. Numbers are a way to back up our comparisons. I don't think God cares how well we did on our ACT or how much weight we can lift. He loves us no matter what. Comparisons are so toxic to ourselves and to others. Comparison is the thief of happiness. We could waste our whole lives comparing ourselves to others. When we base our self-esteem or self-worth on how good we are at something, we will feel like we don't stack up. I think we need to worry more about what God thinks about us not what our neighbors think. When we do this, we will do things to improve ourselves for the sake of improving ourselves.
I love this post. I am a perfectionist and am driven so much by numbers and goals in life. Many times to my benefit and sometimes to my demise. It is so important to remember that at the end of the day, none of the numbers matter. I am grateful for the powerful message about identity and for your testimony of that. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with me throughout this semester. I have grown a lot.
This class has been more than just a class for me. The skills learned here are skills that I will continue to work on for some time to get good at. Writing is my weakest area in education, but this class showed me techniques I can use to improve my writing. I can be professional and respectful, while not becoming a thousand times better at my delivery all at once. Thank you for giving me a large toolbox to work from.
I find it comforting that God does not judge us by how we rank in comparison to others. I also love that He judges us according to the person we have become—a qualitative measurement. President Oaks' general conference talk "The Challenge to Become" supports your argument: "[T]he Final Judgment is not just an evaluation of a sum total of good and evil acts—what we have done. It is an acknowledgment of the final effect of our acts and thoughts—what we have become". From now on, I will try to remember that my progress in life is measured by more than just numbers.
I enjoyed reading this article because most of my life has felt like a competition between myself and numbers. Like many other overachieving students, I felt like the only way I could measure up to my own (and others') expectations was through a number. I like what you said about how numbers only matter in the context of other numbers. If we take away that context, we have to reevaluate why we were measuring ourselves in the first place. This idea reminds me of what Jesus taught the Jews about the law of Moses. The Jews' traditions of numbers and rules were so ingrained that the numbers sometimes became their focus. Obviously, some standards were there for a reason, but the underlying principles were overlooked in favor of numbers. In my life, I hyperfocus on numbers too, and I forget the underlying principles that actually fuel self-improvement and growth. When I take a step back from prescribing what I can and can't do because of a number, I recognize the things that matter most—the things in my life that have more eternal consequence than my GPA.
Thank you for an amazing class! I have learned and applied so much already!
Thank you for ending this class on such a great message. It allowed me the time to reflect on my college experience.
Thanks for being such a great example of self-positivity. I really appreciate it.
This has been one of my favorite classes ever at BYU. I plan to review my notes from it far beyond post-graduation. Thank you so much for everything and I'm grateful for you in more ways than one. Thanks again for a great summer term!