A Toddler Guarantee

Meet Peter Frank.  I mean peter frank.  (Apparently he's too cool to capitalize his name.)

Peter wants to lend me money.

I got your email and i want you to know that this very company is known for good things and excellent works, I want you to understand that you have nothing to worry about due to the fact that your loan here will never be in vain. 

I'm not quite sure how a loan can be made in vain.

Know that this transaction between You and I is 100% secured and legitimate, so i want you to free feel in any step that you take in this transaction.

I am to free feel in any step?   Is that anything like free falling?

For further procedure of your loan transfer, you are advised to fill the information bellow in order for us to be able to start the processing papers of your loan and we give out loan at the range of 1,000  to 10,000,000 
Okay, I found my information bellow, so how do I fill it exactly?

Thanks for your understanding.
As your Satisfaction and financial success is our aim.
  Warmest regards
   Mr. Peter Jade

Wait a minute.  I thought your name was peter frank.  Hmmm.... something is not quite right.  So I ask him,

Why can't you just give me the money. You seem rich.
If he can lend out anywhere between $1000 and $10 million, he should be able to give at least some of it away to me.

If i give everyone my money then i will become poor 
Can't argue with that logic. I decide it's time to get down to brass tacks.

Do I need to pay you any money in order to get my loan?
He answers,

Yes you have to pay for the loan approval fee and it cost just $80

A loan approval fee? That doesn't sound right.  I proclaim,

Loans don't have approval fees!   

He has a great comeback.

Go and take from your local bank then and see.
If I go and take from my local bank, I'm going to get charged a lot more than $80.  It's going to be more like 10 to 20 years.

Banks have NEVER made me pay a loan application. NEVER. I promise you that's not a thing. So what are you really up to? 

Surprisingly, he's answers honestly.

If you can give me just 30,000 dollars I will be rich because I will invest this money in a business and my life will change for ever 

Okay, hold on.  He can lend me up to $10 million but $30,000 will make him rich?  Why doesn't he lend some of that money to himself?  I tell him I am beginning to suspect that he doesn't actually have any money to lend me.

I have told you already that once you pay the fee, your loan will be transferred to you and that is 100% guaranteed.
You know, as opposed to those 85% guarantees that are so popular these days.  I ask,

How is it guaranteed?  

He says,

I swear to you that you will get your loan once you pay the fee is give you 100% guaranteed Ok.

Whoa.  Now this guy is swearing, he's pretty serious.  I ask him,

What do you swear by?  

He answers,

by my little girl

I ask him how old his little girl is and this is where he slips up.

2 years 

What peter frank or Peter Jade doesn't realize is that I've had a 2 year old girl before.  And she was a disaster to live with!

To read what my 4th child, Alice, was like as a two year old, click here.  

Speaking from experience I say,

Two year olds can be a lot of trouble. Swearing on a toddler's life doesn't mean very much to me. Do you have anything better to swear by?
 He says

You are completely heartless 

Well, he hasn't met Alice.

Alice ended up growing up to be a pure delight in our home.  Her messes proved to be a result of her extreme intelligence.  To read her high school graduation speech and see the beautiful woman that she became, click here.