The day my oldest son came home from his
first day of school in the first grade, I excitedly asked him, “Do you have any
homework?” I had images of him sitting
down to the kitchen table with cookies and milk as he worked on his reading,
writing and math.
“No,
I don’t have any homework, but you do,” he replied. What?
Why would I have homework? I have
graduated from college, I don’t need to do homework anymore. Yet sure enough, my son pulled out a folder
full of papers and handed it to me. I
had a stack of forms to fill out. I set
it aside to work on after my kids went to bed.
That
night I settled down to the kitchen table to do my “homework”. No cookies or milk for me, I was going to
have this done in 10 minutes or less.
Little did I know what I was in for.
My
first clue should have been the first paper.
It was a piece of paper telling me how to fill out all of my forms. What it should have said was, “Run don’t walk
away! Home schooling will take less time
than this!”
I
made a list of all the papers in this folder.
I kid you not, this is actually what was in the folder that night.
·
Volunteer Talent Survey to help
teachers and the PTA, I couldn’t find “getting kids dressed and fed in the
morning” as a talent so I left it blank
·
Help Wanted for Health and Safety
After School
·
Rules of the Classroom, which I had to
sign to show that I had read
·
Application for Reduced or Free
Lunches, with only three spots to list members of the household not attending
that school, I would have needed six
·
Breakfast Menu for September
·
Lunch Menu for September
·
Fee Waiver Application, I never could
find out what the fees were for
·
Subscription for a magazine, which I
must sign whether I wanted to subscribe or not
·
Brochure about Hogle Zoo
·
Application for the After School
Program, 10 bucks a month, keeping them until 6:00 P.M., tempting but no
·
Parent Teach Conference sign up for
appointments, my son has been to school for one day and already we need to have
a parent teacher conference?
·
Membership Information for PTA
·
Application for Student Insurance
·
Registration Card
·
Explaination of child’s homework
procedure, so my son will eventually have homework?
·
Parenting class “Project Reality”
application form, I thought that was a great name for a parenting class
·
Help Wanted notice for food services
·
Bus Schedule, my son didn’t even ride
the bus
·
Reminder for Parent/Teacher
Conferences, I had just signed up for the appointment, did they think I had
already forgotten?
·
Letter explaining the dress code. My child couldn’t wear items that I’ve never
even heard of. Hats w/o monikers, (what
are monikers?) webbed belts, (what are webbed belts?) the letter even felt that
it had to tell me that when pants do not fit at the waist and “sag” learning is
interrupted due to under clothing exposure, pants falling off is very
embarrassing to the student involved.
Well any girl who was depanced in the 5th grade can tell you that.
·
Bell Schedule for School. M-Th 12:18 and Fri. 11:13. Since when do bells ring at 12:18? What happened to the good ol’ 3:00 that we
used to look forward to? We never said,
“Oh, I can’t wait until 2:52!”
·
Form to be a McGruff parent, I’m
already a gruff parent, and getting more so as I fill out these forms
·
Fluoride Mouthrinse program
application
·
Form to set SEP goals for my child
both Academic and Social, right now my goals include bed and a paper shredder
·
School Safety Policy
·
Calendar for Sept 2000
·
2000/2001 Trimester Calendar I was just trying to get through these forms,
at that moment I didn’t care which days in April he didn’t have school.
·
Regulations Governing Pupils Riding
School Buses
·
List of who could pick up my child in
the event of a major earthquake, plane crash or chemical spill, back then I
found it so funny they would list plane crash, I don’t anymore.
Finally at 10:07 P.M. I was finished. I went to bed feeling it was going to be a
long year.
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