Before and After Motherhood
I heard this question asked on television. “How has motherhood changed your life?” Here’s my answer.
Life Before Motherhood
Bradford age 24
Heather age 23
7:00 A.M. ~ Take shower, get dressed, eat breakfast
7:45 A.M. ~ Take Bradford to work. Drive to work.
8:00 A.M. ~ Arrive at work. Sit down in my lab with a view through a bay window that overlooks the entire downtown city.
8:10 A.M. ~ Begin research on epilepsy.
12:00 P.M. ~ Call Bradford and ask him if he wants to meet for lunch.
12:10 P.M. ~ Go out to lunch with Bradford.
1:00 P.M. ~ Arrive back at work, resume research.
5:00 A.M. ~ Get off work. Wait for Bradford to call.
5:30 P.M. ~ Pick up Bradford. Say that I’m too tired to cook and request that we go out for dinner.
6:00 P.M. ~ Get dressed to go out to dinner.
6:15 P.M. ~ Go out to dinner.
7:30 P.M. ~ Return home and kick off shoes.
7:35 P.M. ~ Ask Bradford if he is as tired as I am.
Life After Motherhood
Bradford age 30
Heather age 29
Christopher age 5
Elise age 4
Bruce age 2
Allie age 6 months
7:45 A.M. ~ Wake up to my husband telling me the baby is hungry and realize I overslept.
8:00 A.M. ~ Pour cereal for kids for breakfast.
8:05 A.M. ~ Remember that I’m teaching joy school today and it is Parker’s (one of the students) birthday.
8:10 A.M. ~ Make Parker’s birthday crown and forget to put away the glitter pens.
8:20 A.M. ~ Find Bruce spilling glitter on the kitchen table. Yell at Bruce for using the pens.
8:21 A.M. ~ Feel guilty for yelling at Bruce, since I was the one who left the pens out.
8:30 A.M. ~ Realize I never got the joy school box (supplies used for teaching) from the last mom who taught.
8:45 A.M. ~ Get dressed wearing the clothes I wore yesterday.
8:47 A.M. ~ Tell Christopher “No, I didn’t sleep in my clothes.”
9:15 A.M. ~ Receive joy school kids… no box.
9:16 A.M. ~ Wonder how I’m going to teach without the box.
9:30 A.M. ~ Call the last mom who taught joy school to find out where the box is. No answer.
9:45 A.M. ~ Teach children about airplanes.
9:46 A.M. ~ Realize I don’t know much about airplanes.
10:00 A.M. ~ Sing “Happy Birthday” to Parker and wait for him to blow out his candle.
10:01 A.M. ~ See Christopher’s school bus waiting outside the window. Blow out Parker’s candle.
10:02 A.M. ~ Tell the school bus driver that Christopher isn’t going to pre-school anymore.
10:03 A.M. ~ Relight Parker’s candle and sing “Happy Birthday” all over again. Let Parker blow it out this time.
10:20 A.M. ~ Read books to joy school kids.
11:00 A.M. ~ Let kids outside to play while waiting for the carpool to come.
11:10 A.M. ~ Answer the phone while outside. Tell caller that it is a good time to talk. Put screaming baby to bed.
12:00 P.M. ~ Let kids have yogurt for lunch.
12:05 P.M. ~ Tell Bradford I haven’t made lunch. Feel bad that he has to eat cold leftovers from last night’s dinner.
12:30 P.M. ~ Call doctor to change Allie’s appointment and make one for Elise because of her crossed eye.
1:30 P.M. ~ Call to find out how to register Elise for school.
1:35 P.M. ~ Start searching for Elise’s birth certificate.
1:45 P.M. ~ Realize that I never got Elise’s birth certificate.
1:50 P.M. ~ Call a friend in Texas to get the phone number for Bureau of Vital Statistics.
2:00 P.M. ~ Call Bureau of Vital Statistics, wait 10 minutes to talk to a human. Find out it will cost $21.00 to expedite Elise’s birth certificate so that it can be here by Monday.
2:30 P.M. ~ Heat up Ramen noodles for lunch, (first thing to eat all day)
2:45 P.M. ~ Get Allie out of crib and nurse her.
3:00 P.M. ~ Watch Oprah’s Great Mom’s Getaway show. Realize all the great things I’m not doing for my kids.
3:30 P.M. ~ Walk into kitchen and discover noodles still cooking on the stove.
3:45 P.M. ~ Answer phone and talk to fellow Primary President about our church jobs and how to run an effective Primary.
3:55 P.M. ~ Feel like I’m not running an effective Primary.
4:10 P.M. ~ Tell Christopher it’s too late to invite Holden over to play. Try to comfort a crying Christopher.
4:15 P.M. ~ Receive a phone call from Bradford.
4:17 P.M. ~ Tell Christopher that he can talk to his dad on the other phone.
4:18 P.M. ~ Tell Bradford why Christopher can’t invite Holden over.
4:19 P.M. ~ Listen to Christopher ask his dad, “How’s it going at work?”
4:20 P.M. ~ Ask Bradford if he can take Elise to the mall to get her immunization shots.
4:22 P.M. ~ Tell Elise she’s going to the mall with Dad to get shots.
4:23 P.M. ~ Explain to Elise the importance of getting immunized.
4:24 P.M. ~ Realize that Elise doesn’t care about the importance of getting immunized.
4:25 P.M. ~ Promise Elise a treat if she’ll go get a shot. Wonder if that is bribing.
4:32 P.M. ~ Hold Bruce in my arms.
4:39 P.M. ~ Fall asleep holding Bruce, wondering if he has a dirty diaper.
4:51 P.M. ~ Awake to the telephone ringing. Wonder where Bruce is.
5:10 P.M. ~ Put on Elise’s shoes and socks. Try to find clothes that match. Promise to DEFINITELY do laundry tomorrow.
5:20 P.M. ~ Find Bruce watching Barney with a very dirty diaper.
5:30 P.M. ~ Discover that someone has put a graham cracker in Allie’s crib.
5:40 P.M. ~ Try to make dinner, clean Allie’s crib and talk on the phone at the same time.
6:00 P.M. ~ Answer door, invite friend in.
6:01 P.M. ~ Hand Allie over to friend while talking on the phone and making dinner.
6:03 P.M. ~ Discover that Allie has a dirty diaper that has soiled her clothes.
6:10 P.M. ~ Answer door again, struggle getting door open because of all the toys.
6:27 P.M. ~ Finish making dinner.
6:45 P.M. ~ Put dinner in the oven.
6:47 P.M. ~ Bradford and a very upset Elise return home. Visit with my husband and try to comfort Elise.
7:15 P.M. ~ Smell dinner burning.
7:30 P.M. ~ Sit down to burnt dinner.
7:33 P.M. ~ Apologize for burnt dinner.
7:35 P.M. ~ Ask Bradford if he is as tired as I am.