Before and After
Motherhood
I heard this question asked on television. “How has
motherhood changed your life?” Here’s my
answer.
Life Before Motherhood
Bradford age 24
Heather age 23
7:00 A.M. ~ Take shower, get dressed, eat breakfast
7:45 A.M. ~ Take Bradford to work. Drive to work.
8:00 A.M. ~ Arrive at work. Sit down in my lab with a view
through a bay window that overlooks the entire downtown city.
12:00 P.M. ~ Call Bradford and ask him if he wants to meet for lunch.
5:00 A.M. ~ Get off work. Wait for Bradford to call.
5:30 P.M. ~ Pick up Bradford. Say that I’m too tired to cook and request that we go out for dinner.
7:30 P.M. ~ Return home and kick off shoes.
7:35 P.M. ~ Ask Bradford if he is as tired as I am.
Life After Motherhood
Bradford age 30
Heather age 29
Christopher age 5
Elise age 4
Bruce age 2
Allie age 6 months
7:45 A.M. ~ Wake up to my husband telling me the baby is
hungry and realize I overslept.
8:00 A.M. ~ Pour cereal for kids for breakfast.
8:05 A.M. ~ Remember that I’m teaching joy school today and
it is Parker’s (one of the students) birthday.
8:10 A.M. ~ Make Parker’s birthday crown and forget to put
away the glitter pens.
8:20 A.M. ~ Find Bruce spilling glitter on the kitchen
table. Yell at Bruce for using the pens.
8:21 A.M. ~ Feel guilty for yelling at Bruce, since I was
the one who left the pens out.
8:30 A.M. ~ Realize I never got the joy school box (supplies
used for teaching) from the last mom who taught.
8:45 A.M. ~ Get dressed wearing the clothes I wore
yesterday.
8:47 A.M. ~ Tell Christopher
“No, I didn’t sleep in my clothes.”
9:15 A.M. ~ Receive joy school kids… no box.
9:16 A.M. ~ Wonder how I’m going to teach without the box.
9:30 A.M. ~ Call the last mom who taught joy school to find
out where the box is. No answer.
9:45 A.M. ~ Teach children about airplanes.
9:46 A.M. ~ Realize I don’t know much about airplanes.
10:00 A.M. ~ Sing “Happy Birthday” to Parker and wait for
him to blow out his candle.
10:01 A.M. ~ See Christopher’s school bus waiting outside
the window. Blow out Parker’s candle.
10:02 A.M. ~ Tell the school bus driver that Christopher
isn’t going to pre-school anymore.
10:03 A.M. ~ Relight Parker’s candle and sing “Happy
Birthday” all over again. Let Parker
blow it out this time.
11:00 A.M. ~ Let kids outside to play while waiting for the
carpool to come.
11:10 A.M. ~ Answer the phone while outside. Tell caller that it is a good time to
talk. Put screaming baby to bed.
12:00 P.M. ~ Let kids have yogurt for lunch.
12:05 P.M. ~ Tell Bradford I haven’t made lunch. Feel bad that he has to eat cold leftovers
from last night’s dinner.
12:30 P.M. ~ Call doctor to change Allie’s appointment and
make one for Elise because of her crossed eye.
1:30 P.M. ~ Call to find out how to register Elise for
school.
1:35 P.M. ~ Start searching for Elise’s birth certificate.
1:45 P.M. ~ Realize that I never got Elise’s birth
certificate.
1:50 P.M. ~ Call a friend in Texas to get the phone number
for Bureau of Vital Statistics.
2:00 P.M. ~ Call Bureau of Vital Statistics, wait 10 minutes
to talk to a human. Find out it will
cost $21.00 to expedite Elise’s birth certificate so that it can be here by
Monday.
2:30 P.M. ~ Heat up Ramen noodles for lunch, (first thing to
eat all day)
2:45 P.M. ~ Get Allie out of crib and nurse her.
3:00 P.M. ~ Watch Oprah’s Great Mom’s Getaway show. Realize all the great things I’m not doing
for my kids.
3:30 P.M. ~ Walk into kitchen and discover noodles still
cooking on the stove.
3:45 P.M. ~ Answer phone and talk to fellow Primary
President about our church jobs and how to run an effective Primary.
3:55 P.M. ~ Feel like I’m not running an effective Primary.
4:10 P.M. ~ Tell Christopher it’s too late to invite Holden
over to play. Try to comfort a crying
Christopher.
4:15 P.M. ~ Receive a phone call from Bradford.
4:17 P.M. ~ Tell Christopher that he can talk to his dad on
the other phone.
4:18 P.M. ~ Tell Bradford why Christopher can’t invite
Holden over.
4:19 P.M. ~ Listen to Christopher ask his dad, “How’s it
going at work?”
4:20 P.M. ~ Ask Bradford if he can take Elise to the mall to
get her immunization shots.
4:22 P.M. ~ Tell Elise she’s going to the mall with Dad to
get shots.
4:24 P.M. ~ Realize that Elise doesn’t care about the
importance of getting immunized.
4:25 P.M. ~ Promise Elise a treat if she’ll go get a
shot. Wonder if that is bribing.
4:32 P.M. ~ Hold Bruce in my arms.
4:39 P.M. ~ Fall asleep holding Bruce, wondering if he has a
dirty diaper.
4:51 P.M. ~ Awake to the telephone ringing. Wonder where Bruce is.
5:10 P.M. ~ Put on Elise’s shoes and socks. Try to find clothes that match. Promise to
DEFINITELY do laundry tomorrow.
5:20 P.M. ~ Find Bruce watching Barney with a very dirty
diaper.
5:30 P.M. ~ Discover that someone has put a graham cracker
in Allie’s crib.
5:40 P.M. ~ Try to make dinner, clean Allie’s crib and talk
on the phone at the same time.
6:00 P.M. ~ Answer door, invite friend in.
6:01 P.M. ~ Hand Allie over to friend while talking on the
phone and making dinner.
6:03 P.M. ~ Discover that Allie has a dirty diaper that has
soiled her clothes.
6:10 P.M. ~ Answer door again, struggle getting door open
because of all the toys.
6:27 P.M. ~ Finish making dinner.
6:45 P.M. ~ Put dinner in the oven.
6:47 P.M. ~ Bradford and a very upset Elise return
home. Visit with my husband and try to
comfort Elise.
7:15 P.M. ~ Smell dinner burning.
7:30 P.M. ~ Sit down to burnt dinner.
7:33 P.M. ~ Apologize for burnt dinner.
7:35 P.M. ~ Ask Bradford if he is as tired as I am.
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