The Day I Found Out My Wife is a Sucker: A Certain Englishman's Tale
When I met Heather at BYU she was studying molecular biology, working in her own science lab on campus and publishing a research paper. I figured she must be smart. On our wedding day I found out the truth.
The day started without a hitch. No sleeping in, no storms, no forgotten temple recommends, we got to the Salt Lake Temple in plenty of time.
Because Heather’s wedding dress was so simple, she was ready before I was. She said good-bye to Ruth and was escorted to the waiting room where the wedding couple meets and then proceeds on to the ceremony. As she walked in, there was a man waiting for his bride, which was typically the case. The temple worker proceeded to talk to Heather and this stranger explaining to them what was to happen next.
“Oh, this isn’t whom I’m marrying. My groom hasn’t arrived yet… but I’ll marry him if you need me to.” She never misses an opportunity to try to be funny.
The groom quickly interrupted, “I’m not marrying her!” and then proceeded to stand up and move a few seats farther away.
A few minutes later I walk in to find Heather with a grin on her face and a former high school classmate.
“Hey,” I say, “Long time no see. You’re getting married today too, huh? Let me introduce you to my fiancée.”
“We’ve met,” he mutters and crosses his arms over his chest.
After the ceremony, countless pictures, a quick trip to the grocery store, and lunch in the park, we were finally ready for our reception.
We decided to have a short receiving line with just our parents, best man, and maid of honor—our 10 siblings were free to roam around and eat all the food.
The guests came in a steady stream never once giving us a break to sit down and rest. Sometime amidst the congratulations and well wishing, Heather’s 15-year-old brother Ryan approaches her.
“We need your car keys,” he tells her.
“You do?” she asks. “What for?”
“We need to get something out of your car.”
Stop right here. Heather, it is our wedding day, he doesn’t need to get anything out of our car! He needs to put things in our car!
“Okay, they are right here in Brad’s pocket.” She reaches into my pant pocket as I’m shaking hands with someone, pulls out our car keys handing them to Ryan.
“What are you doing?” I ask my wife of eight hours.
“Ryan needs to get something from the Jetta.”
“He’s going to thrash our car.”
“Do you think so?” she asks.
Do I think so? Have you ever been to a wedding before?
Sure enough as we got ready to leave, we found our Jetta waiting for us full of newspapers, Oreos and rice.
Despite the mess, I was still glad my old high school buddy didn’t take her up on her crazy offer.
But it all worked out in the end. Seven years later, just two days before Ryan got married, he unsuspectingly handed his car keys to Heather.