My Terrible Secret



            Before I read you this story, you need to promise me something.  Promise that you will never repeat this story to my children.  Under no circumstances should my children ever be privy to following information!  Do you promise?  Okay, keep reading.
            I have a secret; actually it’s a secret that both my husband and I share.  We hide treats from our children, AND NEVER SHARE WITH THEM!  Now before you call Child Protective Services, let me explain.
            Our candy hoarding days started a few years ago when our children were very small.   We didn’t go out on dates.  Don’t get me wrong - we wanted to date.  The idea of sitting down to eat dinner without having to say, “Stop sticking French fries up your nose,” was very appealing.  We just couldn’t afford the $50 it would cost for a babysitter, a French fries-free dinner and a movie.
            So we began to date at home.   On Friday nights we put the kids to bed early and stayed up playing games and eating ice cream.  The children were none the wiser until my oldest was tall enough to peer into the freezer.  “Mom, I didn’t know we had ice cream!  Can I have some?”
            As the years have gone by, our dates have changed from ice cream/game nights, to Milk Duds & Whopper/movie nights- Milk Duds for me, Whoppers for Bradford.  We stay up late eating treats and watching a video.  If we don’t finish our treats, we hide them.  Actually that’s not quite true.  I fall asleep before the movie is over, and Bradford hides our candy before going to bed.
            The next morning when I wake up, I remember that I hadn’t finished my Milk Duds and I begin looking for them so that I can finish them off.  (Milk Duds rarely last more than 24 hours in my house.)  Usually I can find them no problem.  (I won’t tell you where Bradford hides them, just in case you don’t keep your promise and tell my kids about this.  I don’t want to ruin a perfectly good hiding place.) 
            Sometimes I can’t find where Bradford has hidden them and then I have to do the one thing I hate most of all - call my husband at work asking him where my candy stash is.  He’s probably thinking, “Can’t you wait until I get home?”  Thankfully he never asks that question so I don’t have to answer, “No I can’t wait, I’m addicted, I’m sad, and this is the reason why I’m 25 pounds overweight.”
            One day I learned to never call my husband and ask him where he hides the candy again.  That day was one of those days.   For those of you who get up and leave your house to go to work, you won’t know what kind of a day I’m talking about.  But for those who work inside your home, (whether you get paid or not) you will know exactly what I’m talking about.  I got up late, with the household already buzzing and running around.  I jumped right in with the things I needed to do, and before I knew it, it was 5:00 p.m. and I still had my pajamas on.  I promise that this does not happen everyday.   This is not the sort of day I brag about to my friends.  These are the days I keep secret so that no one will think I lounge around in my PJ’s all day. 
            I finally showered and got dressed about an hour before my husband was supposed to be home.  “This is great,” I thought to myself, “my husband will never know that I’ve been in my pajamas all day.”  Then I remembered that the night before we had watched TV with a bag of licorice.  As usual I had fallen asleep and had no idea where he had hidden the licorice. 
            I broke down and called my husband to ask him where the licorice was.  I kid you not; this was his reply, “Have you brushed your teeth today?” 
            I was thinking, “What does that have to do with anything?”  I said, “Honestly, I can’t remember if I have or not.” 
             “If you had brushed your teeth today you would know where the licorice is,” he replied.
 I couldn’t believe it.  I had been caught.  I spilled everything.  “I have not brushed my teeth today, and 15 minutes ago I was still in my pajamas.”  I was so embarrassed I wanted to crawl into a hole never to be seen again. 
            So I have learned there are no secrets among a married couple.  Eventually the truth comes out.  I guess that is true for an entire family—eventually the truth will be known... except of course where the candy is hidden!  

What Others Are Reading

The Christ Child: A Nativity Story - 8 Observations of What Is Different

"Skin of Blackness": Idioms, Curses, and Racism